Do you ever feel like God is just constantly closing door after door after door on you, and not opening any others or even giving you any kind of direction towards what to do? It’s such a tough feeling, because on one hand you don’t want to get discouraged and lose hope, but also it’s really hard and really sucks. It feels like obstacle after obstacle is getting in your way.
That’s what we were going through with our hail damage drama in June and July. The storm itself was bad enough, but the aftermath has been where the true hail has started (heh heh). First we had a hard time getting a rental car, and then we found out both cars were being considered total losses. The amount they offered for Aaron’s car, a Ford fusion, was pretty good, but the van was undervalued even with its high miles. That was kind of the first door to the face, getting a decent amount for the van. Then we found out $1600 would be taken out of the amount from the Fusion if we decided to keep it (which we decided we really have no choice but to keep it, salvaged title and all). It took a lot of back and forth trying to decide what we were going to do, keep one or both cars, get rid of them both, buy an older high mileage van with cash and have a little left over, or pay mostly in cash but get a small auto loan to get a newer, lower miles van. There was one private party van we found on craigslist that we both loved, it was impeccably cared for, low miles, only 5 years old, had all of the bells and whistles. With the money we were getting back we would only have had to get a small, manageable car loan. It was our plan A; plan B was going to be an older but well taken care of van with higher mileage that we could pay cash for. Plan A was the only van we’ve seen that we thought would be worth taking a small loan out for. I know minivans don’t have a reputation for being cool, but when you have 3 little kids and live 30 minutes from everywhere, a minivan (with DVD!) is essential. And this particular minivan was amazing, perfect for us. But unfortunately, that door was closed too, when we found out it was no longer available.
I realize that all of those aforementioned things are small in the grand scheme of life. I’m grateful for all that He’s given us, and He’s given us so so much. We knew we would eventually get a replacement van. But that doesn’t change the fact that it sucks to feel like He’s closing every door, and feel like the doors are running out. It’s hard to not look up and be like, “What the heck, God? Throw us a freaking bone please!” I think He’s okay with us doing that though; He knows that He can see everything and that we can’t see anything. (Also I think God is okay with us saying “freaking” in prayer).
Sometimes in life, all we can do is stay faithful and rest in hope. Rest in knowing that He’s in control and that He does work all things together for our good, even when our good isn’t necessarily what we want. Trust that it will all work out, in the midst of being incredibly overwhelmed and stressed and worried. When it feels like it’s all caving in around you and you can’t see a way out, remind yourself of His promises, even if it’s hard for you to believe them right now. God’s promises never change, and He never breaks them. They don’t always come in the packages we expect or hope for, but they always come and they always end up being what’s best for us.
So we had to say goodbye to the dream of that pretty Odyssey, and at the time I honestly I had no idea what/when we’ll end up replacing the minivan with, but I knew that we would, and I knew that God was in this, even if it was hard to find Him at times, He was there, He is here. So for now, we stay faithful and rest in the hope of opened doors ahead. No matter what it is you’re going through right now, there will be more doors.
By the way, that whole saying of “when God closes a door He opens a window,” is not only super cliche, but not always accurate either, because in our case the window(s) shattered, so…what are we supposed to do with that? 😉 We hope this post encouraged you in some way, even if it’s just feeling good that you’re not sad about missing out on a minivan. We used to be cool, too. 😜
Until next time.